Promises to a new laptop (a love poem).

Oh laptop, thou art barely born.

Rejoice, you are now the lucky vessel of my neuroticism and creativity (yeah right).

I promise to overlook your sharp edges and fascinating ugliness (potential baby names: Rorschach, John Merrick). I was spoilt with my old Sony Vaio, it was a beautiful woman with gentle curves (sounding a bit gay here). But NO, you are a sleek monolith with no need for tawdry decor!

I promise to update you properly, protect you from virusy harm (sorry about this morning) and change your metaphorical nappy when needed (what?). I promise to install and master Photoshop, rather than just The Sims 2. I promise to upload my art and photography, rather than staying up to read rude fanfics. I promise to hunt for interesting work, rather than stalking people on the internet. I promise to use you for inspiration and personal development, rather than scrolling through amusing cat photos. I promise to stick up for your homely averageness when my boyfriend bullies you for not being fast or powerful enough (which he will). You're just about right for me.

In return, please keep my secrets safe and secure, so I don't end up in nude photo scandal shocker/blackmail hell. Not like I take any (sorry to disappoint). Here's to a fresh start and a few years snuggling up and slaving over the keyboard together.

Love from Natalie (a girl who writes for a living yet is appalling at poetry, and who hasn't owned a laptop since last year). *pats your wee laptop head*

Are friends electric.

Whenever I go on my hols/somewhere the internet isn't perfect, I realise I'm a practically a cyborg and get overly anxious if my signal goes on the blink. It's like that little loading animation is the beating of my heart, and if it doesn't work properly I drown.

Should I just sign up for virtual reality, be like that artist Stelarc ("the human body is obsolete") and have a telephone implanted in my own face or something.

Maybe I’m programmed No Signal = Get Fired.

In other news, Camilla's CD of folktronica sure makes everything alright!

Tech tragedy.

My laptop's disk drive has decided to no longer read DVDs. It now just wants to make very sad and unhealthy whirring, clicking, bloop blip sounds.

Oh. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PLAY THE SIMS 2 AND WATCH MY TINTIN BOX SET CARRY ON LIVING NOW?!

I hope Santa brings me an external disk drive for Christmas.