Ceci n'est pas une blog beauté.

I heard somewhere about a gynecologist who got sick of vaginas because he saw enough of them at work. Oh yes, it was an episode of Friends.

My job involves lots of writing about beauty products, so I thought I'd get sick of all that make-up and skincare stuff by the time I got home. But no, I find myself wanting to write about it in my spare time, like an actual girl.

So instead of the usual pretentious bollocks, here are my TOP 12 BEAUTY FAVES!

Frontcover Eyeshadows and Shadow Liner
I can see a rainbow? A colourful selection of baked bright eyeshadows, plus a clear liquid liner so you can line your eyes with them too. Genius!

Revlon Just Bitten Lip Balm and Stain in Twilight
Twilight is an appalling book, but this lippy shade leaves a lovely stain and has a nice softening balm to boot. The name 'Just Bitten' reminds me of Hannibal Lecter or a bad case of bedbugs.

Max Factor Clump Defy Volumising Mascara
This lasts all day without doing that annoying greasy, smudgy thing that some mascaras like to do. And indeed, no clumps in sight!

Rimmel Clear Complexion Transparent Powder and Concealer

Cheap, cheerful and pale as Kate Moss, these are great for touching up my face throughout the day. Ooo, ooo yes. Sorry.

Bourgois Little Round Pot Blusher in Rose D'Or
One of my absolute faves, I've been loyal to this for years. It's easy to apply, looks and smells beautiful (what IS that smell?), and gives a radiant, English Rose glow.

Simple Kind To Skin Hydrating Light Moisturiser
Sometimes the simplest things are best. This takes care of my dry patches, makes a great base for make-up and has no irritating ingredients. A true bargain!

Quinoderm Cream
It's not very glamorous, but neither's the facefull of spots I get if I don't use this stuff religiously. The bleached towels and initial dryness are totally worth it.

Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Liner in Ultra Violet
A new find but already an essential. This stays put all day, so I don't have to keep sneaking off to apply it every few hours to avoid the dreaded "no eyes" look. 

Max Factor Facefinity Compact in Pale as Fuck
Max is a real man don't you know? This foundation is one of the only ones that stays put on my oily skin, without it looking mask-like. 

sk:n Vitamin-Rich Cleanser for oily skin
I saw a massive improvement in my skin after switching to this cleanser, it really helps to keep 'monster' zits at bay. Skip washing your face at your own peril!

Bravura Glycolic Acid 15% Night Treatment
My trusty miracle cream. My boyfriend says this stuff tastes salty (that'll be the 15% glycolic acid) so remember to warn people before you snog them.

Could this below be my number 13? Oh I hope so. The colours, the rubbish puns, the 1970s Mystic Meg packaging, the ridiculous price...

Next time, Power Dressing for the Office! It'll probably include cardigans and boring shoes.

Here are some blogs that do beauty better than me: my friend Camilla's blog IDEA YOU GAVE ME A FRIGHT DEAR, my workmate Emily's Nail Files, the inspiring Katie's Beauty Blog and the Boots Beauty Blog (which I write for sometimes, guh).

P.S. Cloud Atlas was amazing. See, I had to stick something pretentious in there.

Books and writing and stuff.

Do I buy a Kindle? I literally can't fit many more books in my room, my shelves are bordering on ridiculous and 'Book Mountain' next to my bed has three peaks now.

I'd estimate that I have about a zillion books. But I NEED them all. They make me look way smarter than I actually am.

Kindles are very practical and I'd probably really benefit from one, but at the same time I can see myself moaning "oooh, it's just not the same" on my first digital purchase and then sniffling over a gorgeously battered second-hand copy that I'd found. I know, I'm such a cliche -- my lifestyle is like, totally analogue.

Currently reading Brave New World, which I've been looking to get my hands on for years. Dystopian novels are a personal fave (congratulations everyone for surviving the apocalypse by the way); I like a good reminder of how bad things could get/why we should be preventing them.

If I haven't told you IRL, which is unlikely as I've been telling everyone, I now work for Boots.com as a copywriter. Daisy from Spaced much.

Have a New Year's Eve wedding to attend too, should be lovely! So until my next blog post about books and writing and stuff (to be fair, all my blogging seems to fall into these categories), have a good 'un. In the meantime, here are Mum's wacky words for things...

Baldy-no-nose = Lord Voldemort 

Cotton-wool Pringles = Make-up removal pads

Broomhill Sculpture Gardens.

(above) “Watchers” by Seth Orion Schwaiger.

(above) “Welcome To The Third Millennium” by Mike Roles.

Your winter newsletter.

Hello out there! A wee bit chilly isn't it. I haven’t updated this properly in a while, so here’s a thrilling lowdown on what I've been up to…

In October I went to Whitby with my fella, to see how the real goths celebrate Halloween. I still live in hope that one day, I’ll move there and live in nautical/Bram Stoker bliss.

In early November, I tried my hand at door-to-door sales. Needless to say, I was shite — I’m much more suited to typing from the safety of my bedroom.

Earlier this week, we buried our family cat of 15 years. Missing him terribly, I’ll have to post some photographs on here; he was beautiful.

In the last couple of days, I’ve been worrying (more than usual) about the direction our government seems to be headed. Universal Jobmatch is actually Orwellian.

Adam Curtis’ documentaries are also a huge eye-opener.

Would very much like to stop being underemployed (I love my copywriting, but I’m so dreadfully POOR), and have a nice little home of my own with ample bookshelves/useless antiques/a vast collection of cats.

Buuut, I am going to see Alanis Morissette tomorrow night! FOR FREE.

Spectacular news. Thank you Jake for having access to free tickets (and for making the last 6 months the best ever), thank you India, thank you terror, thank you disillusionment, thank you frailty, etc…

P.S. I still haven’t finished Crime and Punishment. Fail.

Summer holiday photos, Devon.

These were taken back in August around Ilfracombe; only just finished posting everything from that holiday on Tumblr, so here they are in a big ol' chunk (sorry Blogger)! I also have a bunch of photos from Broomhill Sculpture Gardens -- I'll be uploading them in a separate post.

Lovely weather!

Ilfracombe Museum.

On hot days, this beautiful harbour smells like rotting fish.

Valley of the Rocks, and Hillsborough.

From Russia with love.

Classic Russian literature, Tolstoyevsky, or wallowing in the misery of a poorly made decision for a thousand pages. Like that scene in The Young Ones of the couple huddling around the lamp to reminisce about better times, or trudging through freezing cold snow whilst draped in a bearskin rug.

Joe Wright's film of Anna Karenina was lovely to look at, in a twirly Baz Luhrmann sort of way. Granted I'm not a massive fan of Knightley's acting pouting/frock modelling, but the theatre setting shenanigans were interesting. With about ten other adaptations, we didn't really need the same locations revisited -- it made it a memorable version. The film has a staged, stifling atmosphere (made all the more apparent when you actually go 'outside' the theatre, it's like a breath of fresh air), but it's a good experiment. Would rather like to give the book a try; obviously there's more depth to it than elaborate dance scenes and Princess Betsy's amazing wardrobe.

Ruth Wilson frock envy.

Also need to finish Crime and Punishment, which I started five years ago and still have a hundred pages left to read. It's not that I dislike the book, I think it's brilliant, I just can't stand reading about Raskolnikov's pompous, self-righteous antics; thinking because he's so clever he can bully, mistreat and erm, murder anyone around him. He just irritates me so much! And his poor shivering child of a girlfriend, oh god. Apparently he sees the error of his ways though; I'm probably going to eat my words in the last hundred pages.

Raskolnikov plus appendage, as interpreted by DeviantART.

I know bugger all about modern Russia (I haven't read The Communist Manifesto, but I've seen Fiddler on the Roof a couple of times), but I'm guessing that every other person isn't a Prince or Countess Somebody now. Anna would probably have gotten the same treatment for adultery though, if the whole Kristen Stewart lynch mob is anything to go by -- I know, I'm bang on topic for like JULY.

Parents have just ordered War and Peace on DVD too (which my mister found just as hard-going a read as C & P), so it's looking to be a very Russian winter. Fitting, because it's absolutely freezing.

P.S. What has Ang Lee done to Life of Pi, without the other 'animals' how will it end? Please not "heartwarmingly".

Album covers I've gone and done.

My dad’s been setting poems to folk music for years, here are some of the album sleeves I've done for him.