Saturday, 31 December 2011

New Year's Eve kissing choices list.

In order of likelihood.

1. my hand.
2. television screen while Hootenanny is on.
3. my cat.
4. family member.
5. my snake.
6. bottom of a beer glass.
7. lampost.
8. a man.

My resolution is either.

a) change the list.
b) not care about the list.

Friday, 30 December 2011

Dorian Gray film review in one sentence.

I tried to watch it, wondered why they'd massacred Wilde's plot and filled it with badly edited 'horror' effects, a painful script and some of the worst sex scenes I've ever seen, then turned it off.

Matlock Antiques & Collectibles.

Best shop ever. Over the years I've come across a shrunken head (fake?), a medieval chastity belt, various occult objects and the odd bit of vintage porn. They also have clothing, faded photographs, old cameras, gramophones... Or if you want, you can buy a nice flowery chair!

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Teenage graveyard birthday party.

I held my fifteenth birthday party in the local graveyard, then used my incredible Photoshop skills to make it look about a hundred years old. At twenty-two, I look upon these days with fondness, humour and only a slight twinge of embarrassment.

And in my latter part of secondary school, when everyone really fancied Gareth Gates, I fancied Robert Smith. I still do a bit actually, but I don’t think anyone still fancies Gareth!

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

The Red Shoes.

Moira Shearer/Victoria Page's amazing face! Some stills I took from Scorsese's restored edition of 'The Red Shoes', a Powell and Pressburger film from 1948, with cinematography by Jack Cardiff.

It's pretty special I think; very dramatic, theatrical and like receiving a big Technicolor slap in the face. It has some sublime sequences and is well worth a watch, even if you hate ballet. Will let go some dodgy acting...but the whole (SPOILER) "you have to choose between being a loyal wife or pursuing your talent, else your husband will leave you and your shoes will try to kill you" thing didn't really do it for me.

Obviously an influence to films such as 'Singin' In The Rain', 'Moulin Rouge!', 'The Phantom of the Opera' and of course 'Black Swan'. Sometimes I really wish I were graceful enough to be able to dance.

Monday, 26 December 2011

The Smiths-mas.

Along with a lot of jumpers, chocolate and much-needed money, my parents got me some albums from The Cure, Echo & The Bunnymen and The Smiths for Christmas. I like them, but here are a few lyrics from my first listen through 'The World Won't Listen' that sounded particularly amusing ringing through a festive atmosphere.

"I never never want to go home, because I havn't got one anymore."

"And if I seem a little strange, well, that's because I am."

"Oh I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible."

"Two icy-cold hands conducting the way, it's the Eskimo blood in my veins."

And many others, oh Morrissey! I'm not slagging it off at all, they're actually some of the nicest presents I've ever had! Having a melancholy 80s Christmassy time.

I've also got 840 minutes of Tintin to watch and about a year's worth of LUSH.

Friday, 23 December 2011

Tech tragedy.

My laptop's disk drive has decided to no longer read DVDs. It now just wants to make very sad and unhealthy whirring, clicking, bloop blip sounds.


I hope Santa brings me an external disk drive for Christmas.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

The fish tank of my dreams.

I have this fantasy of putting together a fish tank based on evolution. It wouldn't actually have any proper fish in it and would mostly be rocks and stuff, mimicking the moment marine life first squelched onto dry land.

It's unlikely you can keep these all together (which is why this is always going to remain a fantasy) but I would firstly have some mudskippers, which are amazing and just look like a joke animal with little fins that are gradually evolving into legs. They're amphibious, so the fish tank would have both an underwater bit and a sort of 'shore' to keep them all happy.

Who could NOT want some of these? (image

And then in the watery bit, some axolotls. They have these beautiful gills around their heads and are able to actually metamorphose before your very eyes when dipped in "salamander goo" (I only know this from the song, but when are they ever wrong). Although actually doing this reduces their lifespan and it's probably the equivalent of injecting a human with hormones until they grow an extra head or something; like I say, it's just a fantasy!

Fffff, little axolotl face, so cute. (image

And then to top it off, some minuscule toads. Just because, just look at them. Just, uh. I would name them all after famous toads. That'll just be 'Mr Toad' then. Hmm. And the toads could ride the mud skippers like horses... They do actually have some of these at Trowell garden centre aquatics.

Hai. (image

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm easily pleased. And all my fave jewelry is from the Sea Life Centre. Wouldn't it be great though!

Monday, 19 December 2011

My first video, 'WE ARE ROBIN HOOD'.

Just back from seeing my old friends in Nottingham, I’ve really missed it. On that note; here’s a video about Robin Hood I made on my art foundation, at college a few years ago.

It was a week-long project and we had to make something about an “Icon” (I nearly picked Harry Potter oops). At the end of the week we got to vote on each other’s work and somehow, mine won joint first place. This was actually my very first experience of filmmaking…and believe me, you can tell!

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Twin Peaks fanart.

Agent Cooper in pencils and actual coffee, Laura Palmer's lovely dead face in oil paints. 

I've finished watching Twin Peaks now (an absolute joy as usual), so to celebrate have some fanart by me from 2009! Wow, I say that as if it being two years ago makes it any less embarrassing.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

I'm a positive person and cope easily with change.

I hated it when Myspace first changed.

I hated it when DeviantART V.7 came along.

I still kind of hate the new Facebook.

And now I hate whatever’s just been done to YouTube.

Me: I've started a blog!
My friend Dean: Is it about hating everything?
Me: ...

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Things you learn from a decade of reading fanfiction.

1. Professor Snape is not a greasy, bad-tempered bastard with a big nose. He is actually "smouldering, sex on legs" and is in some kind of S & M relationship with Harry Potter.

2. Rorschach from Watchmen is not a mental, asexual sociopath. He "just wants to be loved". By Nite Owl. Because he just needs someone lovely to love him and obviously Nite Owl feels the same way but uses Silk Spectre as cover.

3. And I recently (just casually researching of course) discovered a trend in Twin Peaks fiction for Albert and Dale, which actually sort of makes sense, y'know with his instant hatred of Harry and...


The other day I read something online about how the internet nurtures 'abnormalities' into subcultures. This made me feel a little uneasy, what a boring world it would be if everyone was 'normal'! Obviously I'm not advocating anything harmful/violent/you know what I mean, but I had the feeling this comment applied to anything outside the box of 'sensible' mainstream culture. Many subcultures that could be considered 'abnormal' have developed fine without the internet, but I guess the web does allow a degree of anonymity to express things you might not elsewhere...

FOR EXAMPLE! So far I have found a disturbing lack of Tintin fics online, you'd think there would be more!? And I'll just leave this here...that I found typing 'Tintin slash' into Google by complete accident.

Heh. Getting quite fond of it to be honest (I watch the cartoon series sometimes before I go to bed) and what I thought was a boring/mildly racist comic strip is really rather good; it makes you want to go travelling, have adventures and stuff! "Actually I don't smoke." Oh Tintin you babe.