Oh Lympics.

Boris Johnson stuck on a zip wire, amazing.

Laughing with Jake about how England’s basically the Mr Bean of countries, bumbling about and getting it all wrong with it’s North/South Korea mix-up.

“No don’t invite Britain, it’s a right useless plonker!”

This whole Olympic thing makes me feel queasy, it’s like a glorified Sports Day, giving me flashbacks of tripping over my own feet and crying in the mud.

Really hope one day us clumsies get a sport of our own, I can’t remember anything more esteem-shattering than P.E. lessons.

Of course being a bit thick or uncreative is fine, it’s just those bastards who can’t catch a ball you’ve got to watch out for, because it’s totally acceptable to humiliate unfit children (Hairy Dieters struck a chord tonight).

Guess I’d be less bitter if schools had an Arts Day, complete with little medals and departments that weren’t falling to bits.

Land of no hope and sorry.

The Jubilee's been over nearly a month, and we're shite at football. Really, you can take the flags down now!

(wouldn't be surpirsed if my BNP-voting village kept them up for the wrong reasons anyway)

Community spirit seems to mean pretending it's the 50s and baking a cake for the neighbours you never speak to, or thumping your chest at some kind of sporting event. Evidently the only way to bring our nation together is by wearing silly hats, and getting together in a pub to slag off other countries.

Although for Eurovision, everyone in my local pub bizarrely decided they were Swedish for the night, right down to the flags. It was like we didn't even come third from last because everyone hates us!

Does anybody care about the Olympics either? There's a decidedly "meh" reaction to it all; billions being spent on something we'll never win at, when everyone's feeling so poor. Maybe I just don't get it, I was always crap at P.E. afterall.

Humming "imagine there's no countries" when I should be grunting and waving an England flag.